Swift Sytle Satirical Essay

Topics: Homelessness, Homelessness in the United States, Cardboard box Pages: 2 (571 words) Published: April 11, 2014
Solving the Homelessness Issue
I feel that the issue that should be at the forefront of all our our nations current problem solving debates is homelessness. How do we deal with the thousands of homeless people blocking doorsteps and sidewalks and disturbing us with their open hands grasping for change? First, we need to house them. We will send them to live in landfills where they can salvage cardboard boxes or discarded pieces of sheet metal to build their own houses. This will also solve the issue of unemployment. This way, they can salvage any recyclable materials from the landfills and assist in helping the environment. This is beneficial because they will have somewhere to live and work in the same place so they will not have any sort of commute, thus not having any need for transportation other than their two feet.

Yearly, Americans discard 30.9 million tons of food. So, the homeless will also have a constant and seeming never ending food supply. This way, otherwise usually uncaring and unsympathetic Americans can feel charitable when they toss food into the garbage, knowing that it will be going to a homeless individual to be used as sustenance soon after. Competition will be promoted because each person will be searching for the best and biggest piece of cardboard or sheet metal to add to their extravagant abodes. If anything, living in the landfill will also be highly beneficial because if anyone would happen to slip and fall off of a trash pile to their death or if conflicts arise in the close quarters and homeless people are killed in the power struggle between the less fortunate than we have one less needy person to worry about. To help prevent revolution or some sort of uprising within the union of homeless, the most outstanding homeless recyclers will be promoted to wardens or group leaders who keep the others doing their jobs and provide any kind of encouragement necessary, be it in the form of a firm pat on the back or a...
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